i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
