I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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