I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
