WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
