woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize