Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
