I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
