It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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