I love black thongs
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
