Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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