So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
