He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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