On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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