I heard we made out
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
