Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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