Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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