Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he thought i was a dude.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
should my penis look like a turkey
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
