You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
