Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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