no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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