I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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