And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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