I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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