I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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