did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
