go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
