He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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