Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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