Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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