forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
