How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
