you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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