Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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