Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
