he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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