If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
