its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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