Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
