Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
