You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
