I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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