Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
