After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
bring money and cleavage
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
