dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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