my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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