you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
