I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
