I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
