you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
