we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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