if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish you could order shots online.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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