do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
