Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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