Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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