Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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