i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We just shotgunned beers for America
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
