watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
