I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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