You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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