I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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