Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
