I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
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Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize