oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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