I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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