The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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