Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
