Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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