Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
