just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
