...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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