what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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