Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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