There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
