you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
