i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
