He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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