I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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