She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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