Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
