May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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